Hiatus or Hibernation ?
Part 2
As I continued introspection, I discovered three mutually incompatible beliefs that prevented me from starting the novel. Firstly, I realized that my reluctance came from my belief that by choosing the epidemic as the theme of the novel, I was being opportunistic. I was trying to exploit everyone’s anxiety and manipulate everyone’s emotions. All my previous novels were anything but manipulative. Therefore, my subconscious mind was preventing me from starting the novel. Secondly I wasn’t sure whether epidemic can be used as a metaphor in modern times. When Camus wrote “The Plague”, readers didn’t suffer from information overload. Therefore, any epidemic evoked extreme emotions which could be used to bring about catharsis and sublimation of guilt. However, in the present time, when we are living in the post truth era, nothing is ever what it appears to be, not even our emotions. Therefore, it felt that it would be difficult to bring about catharsis and sublimation if the underlying emotions were fake.
The third belief that subconsciously prompted me to postpone writing the novel was my own sense of anxiety. At least in the initial stages of the lockdown, the possibility of being a victim of the epidemic was palpable. I was worried that my emotional upheaval might influence the narrative of the novel. It is indeed a strange fact. While a novelist employs emotions to construct a novel, she/he can’t be driven by emotions. A novelist must learn to experience and analyze emotions at the same time. However, in the initial stages of the epidemic, at least till I was vaccinated, I wasn’t sure whether I could handle this simultaneity of experiencing and analyzing my own emotions.
However, gradually, almost imperceptibly, my inner conflicts started getting resolved. The success of the vaccination campaign, gradual change in the collective psyche and the innate resilience of human beings, all these factors helped me to resolve this dilemma. Therefore, I have begun writing my fourth novel based on the epidemic. Once I began writing the novel, I realized that the epidemic need not be just a metaphor for collective guilt and catharsis. It can be much more. It could be an instrument of self discovery. The Freudian cycle of guilt and its purging through catharsis also offers an opportunity for an individual to discover her/his true identity. An epidemic can be an instrument of self realization of one’s inner strength. In fact, in the present epidemic, a whole lot of individuals have displayed moral courage in risking their lives while ensuring that villages, cities and even countries run efficiently. Thus, this epidemic has brought the worst and the best out of us. Our morbid fears coexist with our innate altruism. When I realized this duality, I began the novel on the epidemic. Therefore, I have decided to name it Tej Timir : A Life in The Shadow.
When I began developing the plot, I was planning to center it around the individuals involved in fighting the epidemic. However, as various conspiracy theories started floating around the onset of this epidemic, I realized that I could use criminal intrigue as a tool to unravel the individual guilt and catharsis of the individuals around whom the story revolves. Science tells us that viruses are neither good, nor bad. They are trying to survive in a world that is hostile to them. It so happens that our weaknesses provide them an opportunity to thrive amidst adversity. Something similar happens when commercial greed encounters individuals with weaknesses. The greed exploits the individual weaknesses to thrive amidst adversity. Thus, without any conscious effort on my side, the epidemic became a metaphor for commercial greed. While we have managed to fight the Corona epidemic, we aren’t even aware of the epidemic of greed that plagues our society. This novel tries to unravel the amoral nature of power that begets greed and the destruction it wrecks on individual lives. This novel narrates the coexistence of good and bad, a chiaroscuro of light and darkness, the Tej Timir.
vaachakmitra 